Well, I had a vicious migraine during my entire Thanksgiving away from Connecticut. I am not surprised, as the overall stress of this situation is adding up over time. I thought alot about being with my Mother for Thanksgiving, which I was very thankful for, since it has been 12 years since I have done that. I also thought alot about being away from my husband and “bonus” daughter. My husband didn’t go anywhere on Thanksgiving Day, even though he was invited by friends and family. This really bothered me, to say the least. My “bonus” daughter was working in Miami, and as usual, was working too hard, and she also was away from family over this holiday. This also really upset me, as this is the very first time for us as a family that we have not been together on Thanksgiving. To some people, it may not seem like a big deal, but when you have raised a mentally ill child whatever traditions you can hang onto are extremely important. We have spent several Christmases and Thanksgivings and Easters sitting in various mental hospitals with our son. This was very traumatic for us, as well as our daughter. In fact, it was traumatic even for extended members of our families. Holidays were always fraught with negative anticipation, because, many bipolar people become either manic or depressed as holidays approach, or as the seasons change.
I can say that I don’t EVER want to spend another holiday like this again. This has nothing to do with my Mother, but it has EVERYTHING to do with not being able to have a traditional or “normal” holiday with my own immediate family. We were actually planning to cook together for the local Homeless Shelter and deliver the food the day before Thanksgiving, because we are giving people and want to enable others who are not as fortunate as we are. We couldn’t even do that. Very disturbing and depressing.
My depression is acting up again. When I had therapy with my psychologist and psychiatrist yesterday over the phone, I told them both that I could not sleep anymore, and that I had no energy for much of anything anymore. They were both concerned and told me to increase my Prozac by another dose per day. I hope it works. I try to be very vigilant about my depression, and I think I do a pretty good job, but this situation is way more than I expected, and it is telling on me over time.
I have been in conversations with the folks at DMHAS, and not with much success. As I think back over our conversations, I am seeing that there are some troubling comments that have been made by the caseworker. But I will explain that in a later post, as it deserves a post all by itself!
We are doing the right thing for our son, but I have a feeling it is going to get more difficult and nasty as time goes on. As usual, I will continue to update.
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